Maria Arbogast
Customer Description: Maria goes to the donut shop and orders a donut. The cashier hands her the donut and whispers “you were never here”. Puzzled, Maria takes the donut from the bag and bites into it to also bite into a piece of paper that says “meet by the dumpster”. She thinks to herself “this wouldn’t be the first time I met someone at a dumpster”, finishes her donut and follows the directions of the note. At the dumpster is a homeless man named Kevin. Maria says “hey you’re that homeless man I give my spare change to when I have some, here you go man” and she hands him some change. He takes it and says “Thanks! except I’m not really a homeless man. My name is Kevin and I’ve been watching you. Your love for donuts is like none other. That is why I’ve axed you to meet me here.” Kevin takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to Maria. On it is an address. “On that is an address that I’d like you to meet me at midnight o’clock. Tonight. The fate of all the donuts in the world depends on you.” “Haha okay, dude” Maria agreed. Later that night at midnight o’clock Maria arrives at the address. It’s a junkyard. Inside the yard, Maria sees an old RV with the lights on. She approaches the RV and out jumps Kevin. “Quickly Maria, we mustn’t waste time!” Maria enters the RV and inside Kevin explains....”I work as an ambassador for NASA and I’ve been undercover as a homeless man watching you. Every day you come to the donut shop and order the same thing. Your passion for donuts is admirable, and now it’s time I let you in on a secret, here, have a donut for the ride”. Maria takes the donut and the NASA dude starts the RV. The RV is actually a space ship and they take off through space. “Woah dude what’s going on?!” Says Maria. “Donuts are actually unfertilized eggs from the planet Glaze-O. Right now there is turmoil on the planet and if Earth is to see another donut ever again I need your help to save the entire donut race....also you will be rewarded with a lifetime supply of donuts if we succeed”. Maria looks at the donut she’s been eating and says “wait so this whole time we’ve actually been eating unborn donut babies?” Kevin replies, “yes”. “Hell yeah”, replies Maria, and she finishes her donut. They arrive on Glaze-O (which looks like a giant donut, of course) and on the surface, Maria can see that the land is littered with hundreds of dead donut people. “This is an intense man. There’s glaze everywhere!” Says Maria. “Yes I’m afraid if this war continues any longer this race of beloved donuts will cease to exist,” says Kevin. “What do we have to do?” Asks Maria. “I need you to talk to the people. Get them to stop fighting”. “Okie Dokie” replies Maria. So Maria holds a city meeting and stands in front of a crowd of millions of donuts and says “hey man can’t we all just get along?” And all the donut people are like “Yeah!” And “aww I love you!” To each other and they hug and stop fighting and stuff. Then Maria and Kevin get back on the RV to fly back to Earth and Kevin says “I can’t thank you enough, Maria, you saved the entire race of donut people and by doing so quite possibly the human race as well. There’s one more secret I have to tell you...” “What’s that man?” Asks Maria. “My name isn’t really Kevin...” and he pulls off his human mask...” my name is actually Slumpy McSleazemeister. I am a donut.” And maria looks deep in his eyes and thinks he’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen and starts making out with his donut mouth (which is actually just his donut hole in the middle of his face). Then they get back to Earth and drive off in the sunset with a lifetime supply of donuts and love.